march 5 2011- january 25th 2012

sam, matt(ish), kiron, rik, dan, mark, joseph, andrew, andrew, matthew, cody(didn't think that would happen) and whoever else i am possibly forgetting and my 2 to 5 unfulfilled attempts/thoughts/turn downs that maybe i should have just gone for

it was a good run 

kelsey says he'll make me a casanova trophy

oh bachelor life

fuck words with ette on the end of them

kiron is getting in tonight

going out with everyone tomorrow night (hopefully no strangeness between kiron and cody--- it should be fine)

going to a movie in the afternoon with a billionaire philanthropist who happens to share my birthday, i just came from a dinner at her house

eating leftovers from that amazing dinner

venturing 

it was a strange day--- time at school with my students compared to dinner at the home of someone on forbes list 

i shape shift 

matthew- last friday-- evening opens with us going out to dinner and he dresses up, its been awhile he says since he went on a real date, since before his divorce-- we eat and laugh and then go see live music, he had just sold a painting to the guy who was playing---we go up to the penthouse bar of a really nice hotel surrounded by fur coats and cigars and we look over the ledge-- we migrate to a dive bar with more live music and a different crowd- we exit again and drive around- we arrive at a club and dance like teenagers-- we exit for a house party with more live music and collapse later into bed-- we awaken and undress like we'd meant to the night before---he drove me to the airport yesterday (2 days ago?) he picked me up really early and brought coffee-- he has a soul and a sweetness that cody doesn't have or doesn't show--- matthew has depth and spirit, there's something really beautiful about him (beyond the fact that he looks like neil patrick harris)-- he has a certain grace that i cannot define

cody- last saturday --- it will never be love but it gets comfortable-- we go out for drinks and decide the people we're with are dull, we mess around and fall asleep watching tv --wake up, have more fun---get sushi on sunday like always--we banter with the waitress, i get her number--we charm the chefs, we laugh with the restaurant manager--we leave feeling overly indulgent and pleased with ourselves---he calls me aimlessly just to talk twice in the past few days, once just tonight (i don't really know why--- i guess i'm his version of closeness and i like him but i know better-- he's hung up on someone else and we're too similar and he's too selfish--- i make lists for myself of the why-nots because really it all comes down to him not wanting anything because he just got out of a 5 year relationship, has never had sex and is moving soon) nyc will still be fun regardless, if anything we always have fun, we'll always be witty but that will only get us so far.

kiron- we skyped for a long time just now, and laughed and illicitly made plans, he's coming to visit for my birthday-- he is someone to love.

careful.